Category: sober lifestyle

I came home from class Monday night to find my husband standing in the kitchen with a look on his face.

We’ve been together 18 years. I can instantly tell in a single glance when something’s not right.

“Your dad called me.” (Yeah, something is definitely not right…) “Your mom is in the hospital. She had a heart attack.”

💥🤯💥

My relatives all live in Illinois and I’m in Pennsylvania. Since I moved away in the spring of 2000, whenever I’ve been faced with heart-wrenching circumstances, from 9/11 to my mother’s mortality, my first thought is always to jump in the car and hit the gas, heading west.

What am I doing out here? How can the last thing I said/did, to/with my family be [whatever trivial thing it was]?!?

Turns out, the original title I had in mind for this post wasn’t original; the above excerpt is from one of my earliest entries in this sober saga, which is now, officially, 30 MONTHS long.

I don’t repeat headlines, but everything else in my life is one big rigid, predictable routine. From yoga and brisk walks in the early morning to fruit smoothies and honey vanilla chamomile tea in the late afternoon, to a few Tootsie pops and melatonin gummies before bed at sunset, every creature comfort a creature of habit could ask for is part of my daily procedure.

I won’t bore you with the details of my full meal plan, but trust me: It’s the same. Every. Day.

What can I say? I’m a highly sensitive girl, and giving up alcohol in some of the most topsy turvy times our society has ever seen, while going through a job transition and going back to school, is not something I’m equipped to handle completely naked. That is, without some kind of security blanket.

The most important thing: After 2 1/2 years of “one-day-at-a-time”-ing it, over and over again, not drinking has become as much of a ritual as drinking once was.

Halle-f*cking-lujah for the hard death of old habits…and the steadfast adherence to new ones! 🥳

Predictably, the drive from Chicago to Philly — which my hubby and I did Thursday in one fell swoop — knocked me flat on my ass. Every time we travel out to visit my family, the journey there is one big jolly sing-a-long, and the return trip seems like a never-ending chore.

So, it was noon when I finally dragged my body off the couch and away from the New Year’s Eve “Twilight Zone” marathon on SyFy, and went for a walk in the park.

No matter how lethargic and unmotivated I might feel, fresh air and movement never fail to give my brain a much-needed boost. I do my best thinking on the trails at Tyler State Park.