Eleven

My brain is always noisy, but for whatever reason — middle-aged hormones, current events, new Augusten Burroughs audiobooks (I finished “Running with Scissors” and currently am halfway through “Dry”) playing in my earphones nonstop during all non-sleeping hours — the constant clanging upstairs was particularly cacophonous this weekend, and I couldn’t focus long enough to decide on a topic, much less write a long, well-thought-out blog post.

Thus the screenshot. There really is a Simpsons reference for everything.

Anyway, I’m just popping in because I feel compelled to announce that as of today, I am 11 months sober. The dry-erase calendar in my kitchen now actually has “365” scrawled on it, at the very bottom, corresponding to July 6.

A year is within sight!!!

Recovery continues to be the most rewarding experience of my life, even if the last 3 months of it have passed mostly within the walls of my house. It’s bizarre to be feeling more stable, grateful and hopeful than I can personally remember feeling, when the world outside has never seemed more f*cked up, at least not in my time in it.

The way I’m choosing to look at this confusing situation is that I, as a citizen of this world, am responsible for being the best person I can be. I can’t control what other people are doing or saying, but I can control whether I am honest, even-tempered, empathetic and true to my value system. I can control my behavior and whether or not I wittingly act in ways that could harm others.

When I was drinking, I acted in those ways all the time. I was selfish. I was irresponsible. Sometimes, I was flat-out cruel. Now, I am less so. Even on my bad days — and there are plenty — I can say with absolute confidence that I am a better person without alcohol in my life.

What an amazing gift.

You know what they say about being the change you want to see in the world? That’s what recovery is about to me. Choosing to change my own life 11 months ago might not have caused any major waves of positivity, but every day that I create fewer negative ripples is a day I get closer to my goal.

Thank you all for reading! See you next week!