I called it.
My pre-playoff game blog post on Sunday actually said, verbatim: “God help us if this game comes down to Cody Parkey vs. Jake Elliott. (Sound of football hitting upright)”.
No, it wasn’t the most profound prediction, if you’ve followed the Chicago Bears closely this season. You didn’t even need to follow closely to know that our kicker had major “doink”ing issues, or to speculate that his season-long assault on goalposts would play a factor in Sunday’s matchup with the Eagles.
To be accurate, that excruciating Bears loss in the NFL’s Wild Card Round did not come down to Kicker vs. Kicker. It came down to Kicker vs. One of the Worst Cases of the Yips Football Has Ever Seen.
I feel like SuperToe would have been a better option for the Bears with the game on the line.
Now, thanks to Parkey, and NBC color guy Cris Collinsworth, that loss will forever be known as “The Double Doink Game.”
Has a much more amusing ring to it than “The Fog Bowl.”
Speaking of great calls, I think the most effective ‘first aid’ for my gaping, hemorrhaging sports-fan wounds – and colossal hangover – on Monday morning was listening to Parkey’s final kick attempt in the words of the Eagles’ Spanish language broadcast team.
You heard that clip. You had to. It was everywhere on TV, radio, social media…and rightfully so. It’s downright delicious in its over-the-top, gonzo display of celebratory delirium.
I heard it on The Score, the Chicago sports radio station that I listen to every day via my Radio.com app, while driving to work. It inspired the kind of deep, genuine belly laugh that can make you crash your car if you’re not careful, but really just makes you feel so much better about everything that sucks in your world.
(In case I didn’t make it clear with my profane post-game social media ranting and raving: the Bears’ season ending, regardless of the way it ended, SUCKS. Having to live in Philadelphia after the Eagles quashed my home team’s Super Bowl dreams after one damn game SUCKS HARDER.)
But you can’t dwell on these matters very long if you have any perspective on life, and finding humor in painful situations has always been my main coping mechanism. Well, that, and tequila.
Speaking of which, I’m freaking exhausted after a full 9-hour day at my new office job, and I’d better get to bed so I can get up at 4 AM tomorrow and get back in a workout routine. I’ll close by answering a common question I’ve been receiving from a lot of my well-meaning, but misguided, social media cohorts.
Am I going to root for the Eagles for the rest of the playoffs, now that the Bears are out?